ON TUESDAY afternoon the Prime Minister moved: “That an humble Address be presented to his Majesty to express the indignation and deep concern with which this House has learned of the assassination of his Imperial and Royal Highness the Archduke Francis Ferdinand and of his Consort, and to pray his Majesty that he will he graciously pleased to express to his Imperial and Royal Majesty the Emperor of Austria and King of Hungary on the part of this House, his faithful Commons, their abhorrence of the crime and their profound sympathy with the Imperial and Royal Family and with the Governments and peoples of the Dual Monarchy.” To the tribute of indignation and sympathy expressed in eloquent terms by Mr Asquith and Mr Bonar Law there was universal assent in the House of Commons. It is a dastard act, and any society which applauds it deserves to perish.
The Beard, the Jumping Greeks and the Weird Innuendoes Slavic Girls are in. Good.
So in this second semifinal we have…
Malta: That was a good indie folk song… for Dawson’s Creek. But I’ve heard a lot of worse things, so I hope you go to the final.
Israel: A woman that want to skin you alive, escorted by two women in military fashion. Are you trying to say something, Israel?
Georgia: HIPPIE POWER! And there was a paragliding, for some reason.
Poland: They’re slavic, all right! Also, lot’s of weird innuendos! I’m sure it was a satirical song that we didn’t get because, well… we don’t speak Polish. I hope.
Austria: I don’t have words. Also, nice beard. But still, no words.
Lithuania: What was your song again?
Finland: Nice suits, Imagining Dragons wanabees.
Ireland: Men in skirts dancing Irish dances. Just for that, pass.
Belarus: Boys band. That’s all what I can say.
FYR Macedonia: Your country’s name is more memorable than your song.
Switzerland: Well, that was catchy. He plays the violin, plays the drums, knows to whistle and is cute. He says I’m his prey. He can eat me whenever he wants.
GREECE: ‘NUFF SAID.
Slovenia: The woman playing the flute, Yeah…
Romania: I’ve already forgotten your song.